Discharge

Ok so not the best title & not that kind of discharge but a positive one.

Today I discharged myself from the Homestart organisation.  If you don't know what they do they provide support for families with children under 5 yrs of age.  They provide each family with a volunteer who visits regularly to give the parents a break or provide them with practical help.  They do a fantastic job and for a time knowing that a friendly impartial face would be round to give me a hand helped support me with my depression. 

I've had 3 volunteers & the most recent one deemed me a "good enough" mother, so much so that it wasn't obvious why I needed their support in the first place. I was a bit shocked by this but maybe it's because as a mother I place a huge amount of guilt on myself.  For example, if I have a guest in my home I think it appropriate to have a tidy before they come round, make them a drink & have a chat rather than hand the kids over & go off to do something for myself.  The thing with depression is you hide it - a lot, you don't want to be a burden & you think if you talk to people about it they will pity you, avoid you or think you're a moaning minnie (yes that is a technical term).  So maybe that's why they didn't think I needed them.   

Apparently I demand a lot of myself & have high standards - I fail to see what's wrong with that.  I also have days where I can't get out of bed - literally cannot.  As my darling husband says if I had a broken leg it would be easier for people to see that I'm ill & have a medical condition.  But apart from becoming a bit of a recluse sometimes I don't think it's obvious that I've got depression.  So I'm still a bit confused about the whole discharge thing but basically I decided that I need to get better on my own terms not how well I appear to other people. It might be the sunshine which is making me feel a bit more positive but you know what...I think I can do it - I know I can do it!  Not on my own but with my husband, family & close friends. 

I've been on anti-depressants since DS1 was 9 mths old (apart from when I was pregnant with DS2) & have been upped due to a change in prescription which wasn't as strong as the last.  I'm doing a Wellbeing course about stress for Brownie points from the GP & to see if I can learn anything new. I WANT to get better so will try almost anything.  I'm also starting to make time for myself without beating myself up about it.  So all in all feeling fairly positive & looking forward to the future - there has been a higher quantity of good days lately & it feels great :-)




Disclaimer: Don't for one minute let this put you off contacting Homestart or think I'm criticising them. This is my blog & I'm entitled to my have my opinions & feelings & express them!