Is it just me or does everything look better when the sun is shining?
After a couple of very bad weeks I am back to "normal" & the added vitamin D shining through my windows is helping. Depression effects everyone differently but when I am having a very bad bout of depression I feel numb, I don't want to go out & I can't think straight, sleep or feel like eating. It can be hard to even start to think about how to make yourself feel better. But I have been good to myself & been to the GP, rested & put myself first for a change - without the usual amount of motherly guilt involved. Luckily hubby had a week off, made sure I got lots of rest and wasn't expected to do anything. I am extremely fortunate to have him as my husband - he is amazing!
My GP is fantastic & aswell as being supportive has referred me for counselling locally - I'm not sure what it's going to entail - I had a leaflet from them & it mentioned Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, an online course or time dedicated to "talking" to one of the counsellors. The thought of "talking" to someone makes me cringe but I'm at the point where I want to get better - the sooner the better - so I will try anything!
I've been dipping in & out of a book I got in the Summer: Climbing Out of Depression by Sue Atkinson. I really identified with the author when she talks about bad days & retreating to your cave - read safe place - for me thats under the duvet! Or snuggled up on the sofa with my boys and a hot chocolate infront of the fire. We had our chimney flue lined this week :-)
I love the sunshine & being outdoors is great for when you're feeling blue - a bit ironic when the last thing you want to do is go out. But if you can, try - you might even hate it whilst you're out there but by the time you get back I bet you feel refreshed. We've even been considering getting a dog to keep me company & we would HAVE to take it for a walk everyday. I know that deep down we would both like our family to grow but we're not ready for another one just yet. I want to get better first & we would probably need a bigger house etc. However if it happens then it's for a reason. I digress...a dog would be a surrogate child & would keep us healthy.
So whilst I have been "resting" we have finally sorted out MY room & it is now some way towards being a bit more haven-like. I'd been looking for a secondhand daybed so when I use it I can relax but my search proved unfruitful. Our boys recently went from junior beds to a bunk bed which left a cotbed languishing in the loft - I am a genius - the cotbed made into daybed with both mattresses on it (extra comfy) & a lovely new throw we have had waiting in the wings to use as best. I just need lots of cushions now. Well it certainly did the trick - I got down to making & designed a nautical style brooch. (I'll add a pic tomorrow) I've been spurred on by a friend to make some more as she thinks they are sellable so no excuses now - time to just do it!
This blog post was inspired by BlackDogTribe.Com who shared a link to this blog today. The fact that other depressed people would be reading this spurred me on to write an honest post rather than worry about what people think of me. Quoting Ruby Wax from the site "One of our biggest problems as a group is we’re isolated, lonely, feeling shame that we might be making it up as many people believe because this disease is invisible to the naked eye. Once you couldn’t say you were gay, at another time you couldn’t say cancer and a long time ago you couldn’t even say you were a witch. Now it’s us, we are the last taboo." Most of the time people only blog about the good stuff, the lovely moments & the beautiful things in life, but sometimes just knowing that someone else is going through the same thing as you can give hope & show there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
BlackDogTribe.com was started by Ruby Wax & is a social place where you can read more about mental health issues such as depression, discover your tribe, chat with Like Minds, blog about your personal experiences and join in on the conversation to break the stigma.